wala kayo.......ako may pimple sa ilong. pota... ndi sa ibabaw ng ilong, saktong sakto sa kaliwa at andon sa edge ng hole...sa baba. ndi sa loob noh sa labas. basta don! of all places don! basta don! pota na... pupunta nako derma at gus2 ko alisin nila toh ora mismo!

Sat... evening march 26, 2005

i was waiting for tat's call pero hindi sya tumawag... pero na nuod na lang ako ng FULL HOUSE!!!... haha!!! kase yung office mate ng insan ko na vietnamese ... nanunuood nun.. so pinhiram nya kay kuya alvin yung dvd... hehe... marathon kami nila ate yoyen at kuya alvin... (OO na tats!... Squamacious babe at LA! heheh...)

so
Sunday... 27

chat kami sa ym ...tapos i asked if we could chat sa phone.. tapos na putol yung conversation namin kase lechak na connection.. na putol... so i texted her to call me whenever she's free.. kase na dc na ako.. after a couple of minutes tumawag si tats.. pero i missed her call kase i was in the bathroom... but she did leave a message... dapat lolokohin nya ako .. pero ala na sya oras para magisip kung ano ang pang loloko nya hehe.. tapos text ako ulit sa kanya na tumwag ulit... .. chika chika... kuwento si tats kung ano ginawa nya that day.. kung ano latest balita sa pinas.. hehe .. na wala naman kami pareho alam ... hehehe... pinipiga lang namin yung mga sarili namin sa wala ... hehe... tapos may nag in coming sa akin... hindi ko na nasagot .. heheh... mga 12 md binaba na namin ni tats yung phone kase gabi na.. (ayaw lang ni tats ako kausap ... hehe joke tats... ) so check ko yung number at nung nag incoming at yung vioce mail na iniwan nya... heheh .. weird yung vioce mail... sabi nya sa akin... "hello anna... good afternoon (eh 11.30 pm na ng gabi eh!) tawag ka na lang ulit sa kin... " weird.. hehe.. eh hindi ag register yung number nya sa phone ko... ...isip ko baka kamag anak ko ... hehe .. pero bahala na sabi ko... hehhe... kung sino man sya ... matanda na kase yung boses... hindi man lang guwapo... yung boses... (heehehe).... tinulugan ko na lang sya ...ehehhe

monday march 28, 2005

the usual monday.. tawag from the AEs from vegas.. NAG KUKULIT!!... kakaurat minsan... kung sila na lang kaya yung mag lay out ng ADS nila!... hehehe... you have to tell me how to do my job....
afternoon.. pauwi na ako... nag ring ulit yung phone ko .. walang.. number.. "hmmm baka tumwag ulit sya.... who ever he is.. heheh".. at sya nga!!!

the unknown guy: " hello?"
ej: "hello???"
the unknown guy:... bakit ka tumawag sa akin?
ej: ho?!?????
the unknown guy: bakit ka tumawag sa akin?????
ej: hindi po ako tumatwag...
the unknown guy: nag register yung number mo sa akin .. tumawag ka sa akin nung isang araw...
ej: hindi po.. ako tumatawag sa inyo.. ano po ba yung number nyo? (tapos ayaw nya bigay ... hehee)
the unknown guy: nasaan ka ba ngayon iha? bakit ka ba tumawag sa akin?
ej: nasa california po ako ngayon... kayo po?
the unknown guy: california... din ako...
ej:ahhh????...
the unknown guy: pero nasa pilipinas na ako ngayon.. galing ako sa vancouver...
ej: ano po pangalan nyo?
the unknown guy: bernard...
ej:... hmmm hindi po kaya kamag anak ko kayo? heheh ???
the unknown guy: silent.... and last 3 numbers ko 038... smart yugn gamit ko...
ej:... "pasensya na po kayo baka nag dial ko lang po yung number nyo... na hindi ko namamalayan... pasensya na po..."
the unknown guy: "o sya... sige iha"
then binaba na namin...

isip ko ... weird dude?!... hmmm.. baka tito ko sya??? napiisip ako.. hmmm sino ba yung mga tinawagan ko? wala naman... hindi din ako pwede pag over seas call sa cell ko... si tats lang nama yung tinawagan ko this week??... i barely use my cell too?!... tapos... maya maya .. tiningnan ko kung yung mga registered calls ko.... wala naman meron may last number na 038... bernard??? bernard??? wala naman akong tito na na bernard???.... HMMMM.... hmmmm... na paisip ko ... smart??? 038??? bernard??? VANCOUVER? CALIFORNIA????!?!
check ko yung phone book ko... inuna ko si tats... AND THEN I FOUND OUT!... IT WAS TATS DAD!!!! HAHAHAHHA GEEEEZZZZ!!! why is he callling me?! i never called him?!?1... then i remembered... itexted tats... at his number last night... heheh..funny... :D hahaha!!!.. then he called me... probably he did not know who was texting him.. so he called me instead...
haaaaayyyy... hehhe
tapos kinuwento ko kay tats... pag uwi ko hahahha:)) tawa lang kami ng tawa! hahaha:)) SORRY TITO! :D

Pano ko kaya malalagpasan... ang isang bagay na iniiwasan ko mangyari? Ayoko siya iwan... pero ayoko rin na tumambay sa kanya... at hayaan lang niya na andyan ako lagi para sa kanya--dahil lang sa AWA. Iniisip ko kasi minsan baka naaawa lang siya saken. O di kaya naman baka iniisip niya na "SAYANG EH". Ganon na lang bako? Ganon na lang ba ang halaga ko? Am I that pathetic? Don't I deserve to be loved? Don't I deserve to be treated with respect?

Alam ko kasi na kasalanan ko din ito. Kasi HINAYAAN ko rin na mangyari ito. Iniisip ng ibang tao kasi na ganon nako kadesperado. OMG. What a shame naman diba. While I really don't care what other people think about me...... what bothers me now is that, I'm starting to think like them. I'm starting to doubt myself. And I'm starting to wonder if I did all of this out of "desperation"???

Buti na lang... when I really thought long and hard about it... I proved them and myself wrong. I would not go through all of this shit... if I didn't love him so much. If I was desperate for love... I would have searched for it from anyone. I realized... I'm not afraid to be single. Nakayanan ko naman na wala siya for 5 months. I WAS CERTAIN I wouldn't get to see him again. EVER. But I survived. Actually, I was already slowly moving on... because I was falling for a certain guy who I have known already for quite awhile. I think what I am really afraid of is... to be in a relationship but in the end... realize that it never really was a real relationship. You have invested so much emotion and time in one person... but in the end you realize that it never really mattered. THAT's what I'm afraid of. Afraid of being the one soooo in love with that certain someone... but knowing in the end... that you're the fool. The ONLY fool. I hate one-sided foolish love. I fuckin abhore the idea.

I also realized one thing... maybe HE'S THE ONE who's afraid of being single. That's why he's keeping me as his fall back. Just in case the other one doesn't work out... here's Nikki... at least I have a back-up. Orrr... if I get tired of Nikki... I have this gal, who by the way I can enjoy more and who knows, I could score her or sumthin... not like HER. I don't think I can get anything from her anyway. I mean... I feel like I KNOW he's that kind of guy. You wanna know why? Well I thought he already changed for the better. But DUHHH... he keeps stuff from me STILL... he lies to my face......... who knows? He might still be the same person I knew back then. Or even before we met! He can do stuff w/o me knowing... God knows what he might have done already... or could be doing now. I mean... WHO can stop him? WHAT could probably stop him from doing shitty things when he knows he could get away with it? Right?

Come to think of it... it does make sense. At home, we always have a back-up. We have 4 TVs... in case one stops working... we have 3 left. We have 3 PCs... in case one crashes... I can use my dad's PC or my sister's PC. We have LOTS of remote controls, electric fans, etc...

GAWIN BAKONG EXTRA???

Pota.

Does my happiness ever matter? Does HE care? If he doesn't care... then I need MY help. I have to help myself be happy then. Pota... siya na lang ba lagi source of happiness ko? Now THAT'S pathetic. It's time for me to be strong. And I think I am strong enough... coz I don't want to live like this forever. Live like I'm just one stinkin shit with flies all over.

"kung saan ka masaya..."

yan ang linyang palague mo maririnig sa mga kaibagan mo... tuwing hihingi ka ng payo... at ito din ang madalas mo din' nasabi sa kanila pag sila naman ang humingi...

pag narinig mo na tong linyang ito...hindi mo alam kung nakikinig sila sayo ... at dinadamayan ka.. o para tumigil ka lang, sa kaka nguwa mo

... kaya sinasabi yun...
kase minsan sa sobrang tigas na ng ulo natin... hindi na tayo na kikinig sa anong payo ng mga kaibigan natin.. kaya sila'y napipilitan na lang sumangayon sa mga kagustuhan natin...

ano ang punto ko dito???.. WALA LANG.... gusto ko lang sabihin...

ka pwede link na lang muna.. i'm trying to learn kung paano pa mag post eh... sorry nikki ;D
nest time sa blog na natin :D
http://mlbb.blogspot.com/2005/03/good-friday.html

"Heaven"
- by All Saints

Lift me up, take me high...
Take me higher than I've been before
I need time, time to find...
The road to my... destiny

Heaven help me...
On a cloud to happiness is where I wanna be
Still in my mind, I'm running out of time
So heaven lift me up...

Scared to laugh, scared to cry...
For fear of... my own contradiction
Maybe I should try... and cover moral reasons
For God's sakes... heaven lift me up

Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got too much of my own say
Never thought that I'd be standing...

At the gates of heaven...
At the gates of... heaven...
Heaven lift me up

Come on and lift me...
Lift me up...
Ooh-oh... yeah

Take me high, above the clouds where the birds fly
I'm feeling free... let heaven... do the work for me
Looking over this... crazy city where we're living
We've seen it, done it
It's just the way I've been...

Wasn't supposed to be this way
Got too much of my own say
Never thought that I'd be standing...

At the gates of heaven...
At the gates of... heaven...
Heaven lift me up

Come on and lift me...
Lift me up...
Ooh-oh... yeah

Take it, move it, feel like it's just
Hoping you'll find what you're looking for, baby
Baby...
What you looking for?

Take it, move it, feel like it's just
Hoping you'll find what you're looking for, baby
Baby...
What you looking for?

I won't fail (I won't fail)
I won't break (I won't break)
No way
No way...
No...

At the gates of heaven...
(Never thought that I'll be standing)
At the gates of heaven...
(At the gates of heaven)

At the gates of heaven...
At the gates of heaven...
(At the gates of heaven)

At the gates of heaven...
(Never thought that I'll be standing)
At the gates of heaven...
(Heaven lift me up)
Heaven lift me up

Take it, move it, feel like it's just
Hoping you'll find what you're looking for, baby (baby)
(At the gates of heaven)
What you looking for?

Take it, move it, feel like it's just
Hoping you'll find what you're looking for, baby (baby)
(Heaven lift me up)
What you looking for?

Take it, move it, feel like it's just
(Never thought that I'll be standing)
Hoping to find what you're looking for, baby (baby)