nag-away kmi ng baby ko... as in grabeh... last saturday hanggang sunday night. shet... that really scared me and stressed me out.

sunday mga 12pm ata hanggang 8pm... i turned off my cell, but before i did, i sent him a txt saying... na baka nga ndi ko sya vinavalue... coz he said i don't know how to value him... so i sed maybe he should get rid of me. then i turned off my cell...

that really made me cry...A LOT. i was so down... worried... scared.

i don't know kasi how he will react... or IF he would ever react pa...

my lola just arrived that same day... sunday afternoon yon... and yun i realized... no more tenchu kami ng baby ko =.( it's so sad to think... kasi it would just be really hard to pull off... as in... say goodbye to tenchu forever... because my lola will be staying sa haus hanggang makaalis kami for canada.

and then nag-away pa kami ni anj. i admit... i said so many hurtful things sa kanya. kasi kawawa nman c mango (bes ko). but anj was sick kaya hindi nya kami napuntahan ni bes noong friday. pero wala man lang kasi syang txt ni isa... tapos ndi pa sya nakarating. so hindi ko lam ano nangyari. so i was embarrassed. and sumabog ako and said so many harsh words kay anj the following day.

...i know he was hurt. then i realized maybe i really don't value him... he was right.

but when i turned my cell back on... bandang 8pm nong sunday... nagdatingan lahat ng txts nya... nagpanic ata... =.( i was so ashamed... so sad but happy na rin in a way na he still cared and he was also apologizing... =.( i love him so much.

buti na lang... we never ended "US". he said he was sorry... and i said kasi, how can he love someone who disrespected him and who he thinks doesn't know how to value him? and he said, he only said that (na i don't value him nga daw) out of anger daw and he was hurt kasi... buti na lang talaga... we still manage talaga to save our relationship... kahit we're really on the brink of breaking up... we still realize we can't live w/o each other. i also apologized to him ng sobra... and then he said, "let's not fight like this ever again"

he always asks me... if i love him. and then when i say i do... he says, "how much?" kasi nga naman, i love you so much diba... so by... finally, i know how much. almost all the time, i'm lost for words kasi... ndi ko lam isasagot sa tanong mo. i found this saying... sa isang libro... na ibibigay ko sayo... before i leave for canada.

This is how much I love you...

Think of something you couldn't live without...
And multiply it by a hundred.
Think of what happiness means to you
And add it to the feelings you get on the best days you've ever had.
Add up all your best feelings and take away all the rest
And what you're left with is exactly how I feel about you.
You matter more to me than you can imagine
And much more than I'll ever be able to explain.

I love you so much baby ko.