so lately...i feel worn-out...

these past few days... i went through a really grave, fast, and exhausting emotional ride... one day i'm down... i go up.... weeks after i'm down again... then up. if i have to compare it to a real rollercoaster... it would be the Kingda Ka roller coaster located at Six Flags Great Adventure in Jackson, New Jersey. Didn't mean to plug the coaster or theme park there...but i heard it's the tallest and fastest roller coaster on the planet. i have NEVER dared to ride big roller coasters... but i can just imagine it feels like it's going to be a suicide. anyway, it's just soooo hard to take a time out and breathe....

i always have this fear inside my chest......and it just won't go away. i'm so pissed i can't even understand why i always feel this way. it's so sad and weird for me sometimes...everytym i cross the street...it's like i'm always telling to myself..."yeah just run over me you bastards"

i can't help feeling this way......suicidal b ang pota. haha.

wats worse.... you love somebody.... and yet you doubt him. you doubt yourself... you doubt your happines... your love. sometimes i can't help but be really sad and cry and sulk at every corner of our haus. it's just so pathetic...and yet all i know is to love is to be pathetic sometimes. you wallow in your insecurities.......and you end up pitying yourself. ugh. should that be part of being in-love... or should it be part of loving someone? even if you think it's true love?

what is true love?????? true love is when you love and what? end up getting old together...? or can it be felt even if you don't end up with that someone? then how would you classify love as TRUE? when both of you are true to yourselves? when you tell someone what you TRULY feel? that you TRULY love them? that you will only tell them the TRUTH? or did mankind just came up with this term for absolutely no fucking reason at all? maybe they just want us to seek for what we think IS true love for us... but we end up questioning it again. WHAT IS TRUE LOVE? i loved this person...i loved him/her deeply...it's true love...but he/she ended up marrying someone else....but i still love him/her and i'm happy for him/her??? FUCK THAT. THAT'S TRUE LOVE?!??!?

well...i felt that...

ahhh i see.......now i understand. yes, yes... true love exists. they always say "truth hurts..." and when it's true love... in the end... you may still feel love but it can still hurt you... in one way or another. so i should not feel pathetic... rather, i should feel... happy... that the truth...came to me at all.